The Jaguar and the Wolf

Rifter Cockpit: In your face brushed aluminium! 

Yesterday I was on sick leave from the office due to a serious strawberry milk intoxication. I had been throwing up all day but in the evening I took the liberty to take a stroll through Amamake. Nothing special, just enjoying the cool evening breeze, the sound of distant gun fire, the smell of corpses piling up at the Ossogur gate. And I met an Incursus and a Rifter doing the same. The Incursus went down surprisingly fast, so I was still in mint condition when I switched to the Rifter. Within few moments I could already see the ship's tasteful wooden interior through the pierced hull when a Dramiel entered the stage and burnt towards us. Needless to say I don't fancy fighting Dramiels in my Rifter. So I warped out.

Well with the strawberries and all the fighting my memory is a little fuzzy on the next 40 minutes, but I guess there was another Rifter I sent back to it's manufacturer in the sky before I scanned a Jaguar at a planet. I checked my supplies on Fusion and tried to summon my Tatrah, which is, in the believes of my people, the holy spirit within me. I have no confidence problem, but just to make sure, you know. I wanted that Jaguar dead and I believe strongly that made up Tatrah stuff can help. And if not, it wouldn't hurt, would it?

I know what you're thinking: Another post that goes nowhere. And you're right. But I swear, I had a plan: Short introduction, a little background story involving contaminated strawberries and then directly to the topic. Then a little we-learned-a-valuable-lesson-here. And then hit "post". But ok, ok, I can still fix this post! Focus Sobczynski, focus!

Jaguar wreck as I imagined it.

I don't exactly know where it was, but eventually I was able to put my disruptor on the unregistered assault frigate and I unleashed my 80 DPS on him. This wasn't my first rendezvous with a Jaguar, so I knew I had to be careful and I asked my mail order crew to stay at 16 kilometers from the enemy. After some discussions and mails with the headquarters we decided to go for that and work on the his shields a little until lunch. It felt like ten minutes, but the logs show that for four minutes we were clubbing him with all we had. Republic Fleet Fusion S from 16 kilometers. Republic Fleet Fusion S from 12 kilometers. For the most part I wasn't taking any damage until he switched to barrage. Adding to my misery I was forced to reload and from my porch window I watched helplessly the Jaguar repping up half his shields while my guns were blinking stupidly! I was still taking damage and the crew started sending me mails and threatened me to talk to the work council, so when we reached half hull I agreed to retreat! I was so mad I pushed one of the kids that shovel the coal into the oven out of the air lock!

Twenty minutes later - everything repaired, I even remembered to pick up a few new boxes of Fusion! - I scanned the same ship in Siseide. I engaged again, eager to get him this time. And not just for the killmail.
Somewhere I have to draw a line in the sand and show them who's BOSS in low sec solo PVP! And I failed again, in a very humiliating way. Four minutes into the fight, I was still in tip top shape this time, carefully navigating, no damage, the vicious cat without most of his shields already and then suddenly: I BURNED OUT MY GUNS! Can you imagine? How stupid was that? (The best answer to that question wins an artillery Rifter supply of RF Fusion S charges!) I asked for help in some channels, but nobody was nearby. I tried to contact guys from the neighboring pirate corps in Egghelende - nobody I knew was online! Meanwhile the Jaguar pilot rejected my cocky offer of a ransom and maneuvered his vessel back into the asteroids where finally I had to let him go. Cruel fate!

Imaginary Wolf wreck
floating in space.

Epilogue
A few days later I scanned a Wolf in Siseide and after some chasing I recognize the Jaguar pilot. I engaged with my Artillery Rifter, this time he had an MWD fit so I couldn't kite him, but with high tracking ammunition I was hitting him well enough on close range. I died, but it was a fun fight and very close nevertheless. I figured I'd have a better chance using my 400 mm plated Rifter, so I fetched it from my Siseide hangar. This time the fight was so close that when I exploded I first thought it was him, but alas …

Well played, Mr Kress! GF!

Shrink

Gotta see somebody ...

Every pilot has a breaking point. And I my friends, may just have reached mine.

I used to think that wouldn't happen to me. I used to make dirty jokes about those pilots that didn't want to get back in a combat ship after being podded. I used to laugh about pilots that hesitated to pod innocent miners.

Now where do I start, where do I start? I haven't slept in days. I'm cracking up!

I had found a Rifter pilot in an Amamake belt, I engaged, destroyed the ship, warp disrupted the pod. When I opened coms to negotiate a fee my request was blocked. I sent a gf through local and shot the pod. Thirty minutes later in Siseide I noticed a familiar looking Rifter, the same guy, Jeremaya, obviously looking for revenge. Just to get on with our lives I warped to a random belt and waited. Few seconds later the unfortunate Jeremaya followed and again my mighty 280mm guns prevailed and I also managed to point his pod. Now I didn't really want to pod him as I saw a friendly gf flashing up in local, but I was all like click disruptor, ctrl+click pod, click guns and wait. Before I knew it his pod was exterminated and that lonely gf which I wasn't able to return blinked there in local. Accusingly. Why did I pod him a second time? I really didn't want to! Oh, what had I done? The guilt, the unbearable guilt!

I have podded dozens of pilots and I have been podded dozens of times too. I don't know whats different this time. But I know I gotta see a shrink or I'll be cracking up! I will consult that shrink at Pator Tech School headquarters, I need some ... HALP. What is happening to me?

The Greatest Thing since Bread Came Sliced

[Yeah yeah, I know this is an old post. Google ate it, coughed it up and yada yada yada here it is again! Not that it got any better.]

Kramer: Oh, I've cut slices so thin, I couldn't even see them.
Elaine: How did you know you cut it?
Kramer: Well ... I guess I just assumed.

I can see you perverts!

Let's have this out of the way right from the start: The Slicer is no looker. While some mistakenly believe the design is taken from two knifes, to - d'oh - "slice things up" to me it looks more like two uneven toe nails. You know like those you found behind the couch in the room of that room mate which disappeared months ago after she had that long talk with those weird guys and she seemed a little spaced out that whole evening and said she needed to clip her nails really urgently and later it turned out she wasn't a girl after all? But I'm willing to lower my asthetic standards for the Slicer. I love the damn thing! And after a short rethoric break to increase suspension and with a slightly lower voice I will explain why.

From forums and blog posts I gather that there's an approximate number of 200 DPS a small ship must be able to dish out to solo effectively. Effectively here means being able to engage and kill the enemy's ship before the obvious support gang warps in. My personal answer to that particular low sec dilemma is not DPS but range and speed: My primary tool is the '89 Rifter with 280mm curlers. That Rifter is faster than any AB frigate I met so far and I can give the opponent a proper facial peeling from outside scram range. If his friends show up I simply warp out on him and maybe I'll moon him later from a safe distance.

OK, I could cross that bridge now I've prepared so masterfully, from that long range flavour Rifter to the long range Slicer. But I'm still not done with its looks, dammit. So toenails aside: What's the deal with those headlights? I mean, is it supposed to blind the opponent like a rabbit? To be completely honest with you, I just mentioned that so I can embed this awesome video which does not have any rabbits at all. Except in the title.

Ok, so the Slicer is the obvious choice for the 280mm Rifter pilot. With T2 Medium Pulse Lasers, Scorch and a tracking helper I have an optimal of more than 20 kilometers to safely and conveniently MWD-orbit the victim. My pussy fit does like 140 DPS overheated, and yes I went for the DC instead of a gyrostabilizer heat sink. I've got this fit from Panthe Tek, a great admirer of the Slicer, who got it from another guy and then I made it a little uncooler with the DC to fit my german angst flying style:

[Imperial Navy Slicer, Angst]
Damage Control II
Beta Reactor Control: Capacitor Power Relay I
Overdrive Injector System II
Tracking Enhancer II
Local Hull Conversion Nanofiber Structure I

Catalyzed Cold-Gas I Arcjet Thrusters
Warp Disruptor II

2xMedium Pulse Laser II, Scorch S

Small Energy Burst Aerator I
Small Energy Locus Coordinator I
Small Low Friction Nozzle Joints I

The problem I'm currently working on is that I'm losing it like a Rifter: Frequently. But this post has taken enough of your time now, I'll postpone the whining about my losses!