Unfinished Business 3: Rifter Safety Recall

I'm clearing out my blog's draft box. This one is a rather longish intro to a Rifter killing spree I had one weekend with about 10 or 15 victims.

A few weeks ago the Minmatar manufacturer of the Rifter announced a mandatory safety recall on approximately 47,300 Rifters to fix a problem with the rear drive while backing up: In some rare circumstances the gasket between the ships engine exhaust and the bubble water pipe of the on board hot tub heatificator could break  - well I don't understand a single word here except hot tub, but the consequences are pretty clear: - causing the brave pilot to be fried in his Rifter like the pale nerd I am on the beach of Ipanema in the hot summer sun. (I would very much include a picture of that beach but I'm afraid to because I'm writing this from my PTS office in Amamake and I suspect they're monitoring my network traffic since the last incident.) Needless to say I immediately returned my Rifters to the repair shop and got me some patched ones from the Pator Tech School corporate hangar.

The Jaguar and the Wolf

Rifter Cockpit: In your face brushed aluminium! 

Yesterday I was on sick leave from the office due to a serious strawberry milk intoxication. I had been throwing up all day but in the evening I took the liberty to take a stroll through Amamake. Nothing special, just enjoying the cool evening breeze, the sound of distant gun fire, the smell of corpses piling up at the Ossogur gate. And I met an Incursus and a Rifter doing the same. The Incursus went down surprisingly fast, so I was still in mint condition when I switched to the Rifter. Within few moments I could already see the ship's tasteful wooden interior through the pierced hull when a Dramiel entered the stage and burnt towards us. Needless to say I don't fancy fighting Dramiels in my Rifter. So I warped out.

Well with the strawberries and all the fighting my memory is a little fuzzy on the next 40 minutes, but I guess there was another Rifter I sent back to it's manufacturer in the sky before I scanned a Jaguar at a planet. I checked my supplies on Fusion and tried to summon my Tatrah, which is, in the believes of my people, the holy spirit within me. I have no confidence problem, but just to make sure, you know. I wanted that Jaguar dead and I believe strongly that made up Tatrah stuff can help. And if not, it wouldn't hurt, would it?

I know what you're thinking: Another post that goes nowhere. And you're right. But I swear, I had a plan: Short introduction, a little background story involving contaminated strawberries and then directly to the topic. Then a little we-learned-a-valuable-lesson-here. And then hit "post". But ok, ok, I can still fix this post! Focus Sobczynski, focus!

Jaguar wreck as I imagined it.

I don't exactly know where it was, but eventually I was able to put my disruptor on the unregistered assault frigate and I unleashed my 80 DPS on him. This wasn't my first rendezvous with a Jaguar, so I knew I had to be careful and I asked my mail order crew to stay at 16 kilometers from the enemy. After some discussions and mails with the headquarters we decided to go for that and work on the his shields a little until lunch. It felt like ten minutes, but the logs show that for four minutes we were clubbing him with all we had. Republic Fleet Fusion S from 16 kilometers. Republic Fleet Fusion S from 12 kilometers. For the most part I wasn't taking any damage until he switched to barrage. Adding to my misery I was forced to reload and from my porch window I watched helplessly the Jaguar repping up half his shields while my guns were blinking stupidly! I was still taking damage and the crew started sending me mails and threatened me to talk to the work council, so when we reached half hull I agreed to retreat! I was so mad I pushed one of the kids that shovel the coal into the oven out of the air lock!

Twenty minutes later - everything repaired, I even remembered to pick up a few new boxes of Fusion! - I scanned the same ship in Siseide. I engaged again, eager to get him this time. And not just for the killmail.
Somewhere I have to draw a line in the sand and show them who's BOSS in low sec solo PVP! And I failed again, in a very humiliating way. Four minutes into the fight, I was still in tip top shape this time, carefully navigating, no damage, the vicious cat without most of his shields already and then suddenly: I BURNED OUT MY GUNS! Can you imagine? How stupid was that? (The best answer to that question wins an artillery Rifter supply of RF Fusion S charges!) I asked for help in some channels, but nobody was nearby. I tried to contact guys from the neighboring pirate corps in Egghelende - nobody I knew was online! Meanwhile the Jaguar pilot rejected my cocky offer of a ransom and maneuvered his vessel back into the asteroids where finally I had to let him go. Cruel fate!

Imaginary Wolf wreck
floating in space.

Epilogue
A few days later I scanned a Wolf in Siseide and after some chasing I recognize the Jaguar pilot. I engaged with my Artillery Rifter, this time he had an MWD fit so I couldn't kite him, but with high tracking ammunition I was hitting him well enough on close range. I died, but it was a fun fight and very close nevertheless. I figured I'd have a better chance using my 400 mm plated Rifter, so I fetched it from my Siseide hangar. This time the fight was so close that when I exploded I first thought it was him, but alas …

Well played, Mr Kress! GF!

Shrink

Gotta see somebody ...

Every pilot has a breaking point. And I my friends, may just have reached mine.

I used to think that wouldn't happen to me. I used to make dirty jokes about those pilots that didn't want to get back in a combat ship after being podded. I used to laugh about pilots that hesitated to pod innocent miners.

Now where do I start, where do I start? I haven't slept in days. I'm cracking up!

I had found a Rifter pilot in an Amamake belt, I engaged, destroyed the ship, warp disrupted the pod. When I opened coms to negotiate a fee my request was blocked. I sent a gf through local and shot the pod. Thirty minutes later in Siseide I noticed a familiar looking Rifter, the same guy, Jeremaya, obviously looking for revenge. Just to get on with our lives I warped to a random belt and waited. Few seconds later the unfortunate Jeremaya followed and again my mighty 280mm guns prevailed and I also managed to point his pod. Now I didn't really want to pod him as I saw a friendly gf flashing up in local, but I was all like click disruptor, ctrl+click pod, click guns and wait. Before I knew it his pod was exterminated and that lonely gf which I wasn't able to return blinked there in local. Accusingly. Why did I pod him a second time? I really didn't want to! Oh, what had I done? The guilt, the unbearable guilt!

I have podded dozens of pilots and I have been podded dozens of times too. I don't know whats different this time. But I know I gotta see a shrink or I'll be cracking up! I will consult that shrink at Pator Tech School headquarters, I need some ... HALP. What is happening to me?

Incursion in da Hood

"Should super heroes commit a crime? Even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender?"
Philip J. Fry

In English: Free Loot!

I've been sacrificing a lot of ships to the space gods. A lot of good ships and some were virgins, too! But strutting around belts and safe spots in strange patterns and weird fits like some cotton pickin quack from the Micronesian backwoods didn't bring the much needed rain to the hemp fields of my home planet! But it paid off in another unexpected way: The gods sent me a Sansha Incursion in Auga and the surrounding systems! On a Saturday! Oh, my tormented soul, rejoice!

I never felt fighting was an integral part of piracy at all, as it usually involves losing assets now and then thus diminishing revenues. I'd rather just take the stuff from dead people's trunks. This Incursion thing gave me the option to just cut the PvP crap and loot all those wrecks piling up at the gates.

What you see is what you get!

My first scan immediately revealed a battleship wreck in Siseide, I warped in with my capsule and bookmarked the wreck: 720mm T2 guns and a lot of other nice T2 stuff (along with the pilot's dirty undies which I left there to rot for all eternity). Then I changed into a free (like in free beer!) Reaper and warped back to the wreck. From my prior experience with Sansha gate camps I knew I had to be very fast, but I had trained my fingers playing MADDEN NFL ALL WEEK ON MY XBOX BE4 GOING TO SCHOOL, so our new Sansha overlords were no match for me. I was zippin' all over the place without any decent restraint! During the the day I repeated this pattern, but somewhere in between my stupid RL alt insisted on going on a bike tour for a few hours because of the weather! Can you imagine this? Hours of looting lost just because that pathetic earth sun showed its ugly cancer inducing face ...

Anyway, I took mods worth over 70 million during the day, I'm sure many of the other looters may have got more, but I'm satisfied nonetheless. Most noteworthy two Cover Ops cloaks and a few cheaper faction items. Sometimes I used my capsule, sometimes my new Anathema (which now sports one of the new cloaks!) for bookmarking and I lost like 10 non-faction Reapers with ridiculously expensive cargo, but what the hell, it was all FREE! Another fun element in that chaos was the incursion channel stuffed with local pirates trying to lure gullible pilots to Pator Tech School station in Amamake, which is—in case you've never been there—the ugly mother in law of all permanent low sec station camps:

[ 2011.04.09 10:12:39 ] rev risingdawn > I'm trying ot fight this incursion but no one comes
[ 2011.04.09 10:13:11 ] rev risingdawn > formup is at pator tech school, you cna use fitting service of fleet carrier outside station if you need to refit from travel fit to combat fit
[ 2011.04.09 10:13:45 ] Saint Juliana > its risky doing this stuff in low sec. The filthy ammamake pirates could swoop in at any moment.
[ 2011.04.09 10:14:08 ] Sobczynski > pirates?
[ 2011.04.09 10:14:18 ] Micky Nox > By pirates you mean rev risingdawn? ,-)
[ 2011.04.09 10:15:02 ] Saint Juliana > exactly! They're already there - lol
[ 2011.04.09 10:15:03 ] rev risingdawn > I'm not a pirate I'm a guy who did bad things when drunk and has now sobered up and wants to kill the shanshas

Oh, how I was moved to see local pirates, faction war pilots and carebears unite in peace to fight back the Sansha invaders! It was like Enterprise TNG all over again! You know, like when Picard met these other guys and they didn't shoot each other for no reason?

Unfortunately the incursion ended somewhen Sunday afternoon while I was offline riding my bike in my RL alt. When I came back I was forced to pew and pew once again. Meh.

Amamake Now!

It's been quiet lately because after a little R&R (fishing in Vard) I've been busy with a new special operation. One of our Pator Tech School pilots, Shadeslayer, a highly decorated newbie, had gone rogue somewhere in the vicinity of Amamake. With the help of a native Angel tribe he had established a regime of unmatched cruelty and was operating without any decent restraint terrorizing the whole area and camping Heretic Army at the PTS station. Quite obviously he had gone insane, totally insane and his methods had become unsound.

PTS Air Cavalry

I was assigned to terminate his command.

For days I had been travelling up the Metropolis pipe and finally, I found him in the heart of darkness, in Amamake, Belt VI-3, in a Thrasher, escorted by his native goons. The hunt was over. I didn't care about orders from PTS head quarters any more, I didn't care about this war. I just wanted this maniac dead.

Because my trusty PTS Patrol Rifter had already taken serious damage from prior engagements I decided to call in an air strike to clear the whole belt and everyone within a 300,000 kilometers radius. Soon after I dialled the number I had the headquarters on the horn:

"Hello Almighty, Almighty, this is Mellow Moustache, over."
"Mellow Moustache, this is Almighty, how may I direct your call, over."
"Almighty, this is Mellow Moustache, I need an air strike at Amamake VI-3 in like 15 minutes, over."
"Mellow Moustache, this is Almighty, I can create an air strike support ticket for you and second level support will get in touch with you as soon as possible, over."
"Almighty, this is Mellow Moustache, I don't need a ticket, I need an immediate air strike, over."
"Mellow Moustache, this is Almighty, please hold the line, I will forward your request to second level support in Ryddinjorn, over."

I was holding the line and five minutes later-crazy Shadeslayer fortunately still in the belt with his good time buddies-I got the automated support on the line:

"To access your killboard stats please press 1.
For information on the company ship order process please press 2.
To call in an air strike please press 3."

There goes my simple plan. Last week I spilt a Banana Milk Shake 2GO all over my com controls and some keys were still stuck, among others the much needed "3". So I selected "2" instead and got some information on the company ship order process. Turns out I can't order ships which emit more than 150mg of black matter per AU any more! Bummer.

Fifteen minutes later, unable to call in the air strike and totally devastated about the fact that the company ship order procedure had been changed once again I decided to go in without backup. Special Forces style.

Forcing the gear stick from P to "Mild Warp" and overheating everything including my new vibrating captain's chair I went all-in and landed some 10 kilometers from my target. As soon as I got in range I started shooting his fearsome ratting fit Thrasher. Throwing in all his nine days of training and EVE experience he gave me a hell of fight! And also the two escorting Angel frigates were all over me. But knowing the major weak spot of the Minmatar Destroyer I finally managed to land a wrecking shot at the parallel port (yes, the printer port!) and the wicked vessel transformed into metal space Goulash!

PTS Low Security Space Patrol

Punisher Incident
(from Sobczynski Flight Protocol)

Lacking exciting stuff to report I decided to leak some confidential PTS low sec patrol flight reports from Sunday 13th 2011. Here we go:

Saturday, 2344: The Drakes Incident (Siside/Heimatar)
Pator Tech School (PTS) employee Sobczynski patrolling low sec notices two drakes harassing NPCs in a belt. Several attempts to separate and kite the offenders fail--incoming damage is surprisingly high. PTS equipment was damaged, but due to the extraordinary piloting skills employee Sobczynski gets his ship (Rupture) out alive every time. Finally a stern warning is issued to the criminal pilots through local.

Incident summary: Two or more Drakes can't be tanked in a Rupture.
Local chat evidence: [ 2011.02.13 00:06:06 ] Haoran Ning > lol

---

Cruor: Web and Neut FTW!

Sunday, 1250: Enemies at the Gate (Auga/Heimatar)
PTS employee Sobczynski was ambushed at the Amamake gate. PTS equipment (Rupture) and one enemy vessel (Crusader) destroyed.

Lesson learned (again): Avoid Auga/Amamake gate at all times. Even if you have to use the bathroom urgently.

---

Sunday, 1320: The Gate Gun Bug Report (Auga/Heimatar)
PTS employee Sobczynski loses PTS patrol vessel (SAR Rifter) due to a an error in Eve aggression mechanics. The bug causes gate guns to fire at PTS employees in case they attack a neutral target within gate gun range. CCP Quality Assurance has been informed.

Lesson learned: None!

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Sunday, 1614: The Failed Stabber Fleet Issue Arrest (Aliette/Sinq Laison)
PTS employee Sobczynski fetches a Stabber Fleet Issue attempting to mind its own business. After several attempts to secure the Stabber Sobczynski decides to resort to the last step: Raw gun fire. But the enemies electronic counter measures lead to the destruction of a PTS Patrol Rupture.

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Sunday, 1654: The Cruor Inspection Incident (Siseide/Heimatar)
A known offender refuses inspection of his Cruor. PTS employee Sobczynski insists. PTS equipment (Rifter) was destroyed.

Lesson learned: Check faction frigate boni before engaging.

---

I think I got a whiplash!

Sunday, 1751: The Failed Merlin Arrest (Siseide/Heimatar)
PTS employee Sobczynski's second attempt (using an Artillery Rifter) to arrest the Cruor pilot which was now using a Merlin fails after a long argument due to disruptor burnout. The offender fled the crime scene. Both vessels severely damaged. The offender refuses to pay his fine, legal department has been informed.

Log abstract: [ 2011.02.13 18:03:10 ] (notify) The module is too damaged to be onlined.

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Sunday, 2017: The Vexor (Ezzara/Devoid)
PTS employee Sobczynski engaged a suspected NPC harasser and ore thief with his Rifter. The offending Vexor pilot failed to comply. Sobczynski's RL character's internet connection collapsed during the fight. PTS equipment severely damaged, repair facilities in Ezzara had to be used to restore the damaged PTS Patrol Rifter.

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Sunday, 2211: The Punisher Incident (Egghelende/Sinq Laison)
PTS employee Sobczynski spotted a loitering Punisher pilot at a planet. After a rather long engagement the Punisher could be disposed of. Enemy reinforcements could be avoided.

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Sunday, 2226: The Ishkur (Egghelende/Sinq Laison)
Another NPC harassment detected in an Egghelende belt. On approach PTS pilot Sobczynski's Rifter was shot at ruthlessly and had to disengage. The second attempt to resolve the issue by kiting the offender and defusing most of his Warrior II drones failed, because the Ishkur pilot managed to warp away before Sobczynski could close in for the final conciliation.

Lesson learned: While it's easy to pop webbed drones it's hard to keep the culprit pointed all the time.

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Sunday, 2307: The Thorax (Amamake/Heimatar)
In a final desperate attempt to destroy his Rifter before midnight Sobczynski entered Amamake. As usual there was an NPC harassment in progress forcing Sobczynski to take immediate action. Two attempts to prosecute the Thorax pilot failed. Despite of breaking the Thoraxes tank and destroying two flights of Hammerhead I drones the perpetrator got away by using ECM once again.

Log Abstract:
[ 2011.02.13 23:16:07 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.
[ 2011.02.13 23:16:08 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.

---

gf everybody!

Fly Stupid or Die Trying!

I've died so often I lost count. And while I certainly had my share of lost GFs a lot of my losses were self inflicted. I'll list the most common for your amusement and my embaressment:

1. Gate or Station Guns. Oh let's see what's so interesting at the Siseide Gate ... warp to 100km. Hmm, a stabber targeting me? Shouldn't be much of a problem. Engage!
2. Sleeping on a safe spot. In Amamake or Egghelende it's very likely someone is probing your ship right now to jump in with a few Dramiels and Cynabals. Are you aligned?
3. Sleeping at a gate. Let's quickly check this interesting mail while I'm still cloaked!
4. AFK undock maneuver. Undocking takes so much time and hey, I haven't seen any unfriendlies around when I docked earlier. Let me ALT-TAB to my browser to check out this nice ... video enthusiast web page a colleague recommended yesterday.
5. Not adjusting orbit range after changing ships. Well let's just orbit this assault frigate with my Artillery Rupture. And yes, I've flown my AC Rifter earlier, why do you ask?
6. Looting cheap shit in a dangerous place (like Amamake 3-1). Well that's a nice pile of wrecks!
7. Biting the bait. I'll quickly finish this Comet while his corp buddies are AFK at a safe spot.
8. Trying to be smart in a dangerous place (Amamake 3-1 maybe?). No good targets on scan? M'kay then I'll play with those faction frigates at the top belt. Nothing happens there ever, right?
9. Messing with gangs. Let's just try to pull that interceptor from that amarr FW gang. The others are so far away they can't possibly ... Why is my overview all red?

It seems there are only few truly distinct loss patterns in this list: Most deaths are caused by the Attention Deficit Pattern, which includes all those pathetic I forgot [my sec status | GCC | where I am] errors. Secondly there's a pattern I want to name Amamake Top Belt Suicide Pattern which by the way is not restricted to Amamake. It generally describes stupidly dangerous actions in a very busy and extremely unfriendly environment.

These are obviously my personal low sec flashy scum death patterns. I'm sure I find some new once I'll venture into 0.0 space more regularly.

Unfinished Business 6: Going to the Country

MARCH is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.

Quite contrary to common believe I've come to the conclusion that weekends are bad. For months I have been stupid enough to follow this pattern:
Monday to Thursday: Solo roaming, few targets and kills but also very few losses.
Friday to Sunday: Solo roaming, lots of targets, lots of kills, while only few GFs but also LOTS OF LOSSES.
The GF/loss ratio was significantly worse on weekends.

Why is that you might ask? Most of the time I'm hanging out in the Amamake/Egghelende area and a few neighboring systems. This is very close to the hot faction war zone. Also Amamake and Egghelende are home of some very organized pirate corporations. "Organized" as in: They seem to CTA for a Rifter. I don't mind the challenge. I like being hunted. I love the paranoia I have developed. But honestly, starting with three or four ships on Friday I usually run out of ships by Saturday.

Simple question: What's the government doing about all this? I haven't heard from them lately so I can safely assume: They're sitting on their mighty government butts doing nothing, that's what! So after losing hope in the government taking care of this I had do do it myself. As part of my Little Pator Tech School Underachievers program I developed a weekend plan avoiding that dangerous area and getting my tushy out of the hot zone.