Sunday, August 14, 2011

Unfinished Business 5: What's in my Rifter's Tape Deck?

In reply to Flee on Sight: A Glimpse at Chaos:
"So the question is this, what do you listen to when PvPing?"

I must admit that I can't stand any noise when I'm in a fight, I need all concentration not to screw up. But during system scans I'm usually humming a nice EVE inspired Bob Marley tune:

"I'm scannin', I hope you like scannin' too ...

I'm scannin', and I'm scannin' in the name of the Lord!"
This tune is really versatile too, you can sing it when scamming in you favourite trade hub or if you're german, which is totally true in my case!

I'm german! Alright! And I hope you like germans too!

Unfinished Business 32: Camouflage

Newman: I mean parcels are rarely damaged during shipping.
Jerry: Define rarely.
Newman: Frequently.

In stage in EVE, where I find less and less nice solo fights I've come to wonder why. While when I was starting solo PVP, as a few month old pilot I never had to wait long until someone engaged. I was an easy target non-flashing yellow or with positive security status even. One indicator that I must have been fighting almost constantly is that I used to carry nanite repair thingies because I often had the next fight within the gcc period without being able to dock and rep up. I haven't been buying nanites for months now.

Looking back on this time I think creating my character in January was a very good idea, because for almost 12 months I had this 2010 label on me indicating that I was just a noob. I think there's a lot of psychology going on in a pilots mind when he looks up your char info and tries to decide whether to engage or not. And there's things I can do to make people engage more often:
  • Security Status: At the beginning it feels like an accomplishment to be -10 and flashy and all that crap, but I think this just scares people. Ratting cruisers safe up when you enter local with your Rifter and they will only engage with a gang as backup. Not good. I've come to the conclusion I have to get out the red zone to find more fights. It needn't be 0.0, but some number that doesnt look like I'm podding people just for fun.
  • Killboard: i should have never started to post my kills on a public killboard. This is just plain stupid. But well, pirates are vain too when it comes to their kills. I can't change that now. If I could change that I would have posted only losses. Not surprizingly some people are much smarter than I am.
  • Character Bio: Ah, vanity again, thy name be pirate. I have a link to my blog there. Not good. I should post a mining corporations description there and some childish citations from witty conversations in different colors and all in CAPs. Which brings me to the next section:
  • Behaviour in Local: I don't think I'm very far from reaching this goal but from a PVP standpoint I think it's wise to look as stupid as possible in local. Not being able to spell, using CAPs, asking all kinds of stupid questions can do wonders. I've taken a lesson in talking like a twelve year old US boy (thanks Miura!), but I think I still can't pull that off convincingly.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Unfinished Business 9 1/2: Super Villain Noob

I'm still publishing drafts from my blog because I'm leaving. How much of this crap is left in the drafts folder you ask? PLENTY! Now on to a post of unmatched grandeur. I wish all my posts had been this succinct. That  would have spared you a lot of trouble.
Catalyst in a belt. Horrible crime in the works. Sobczynski warps in to save the day.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Unfinished Business 8: Untitled

Another unfinished post, obviously the overture to a magnificent Rifter fist fight. I think I killed the Hookbill after stalking it for hours.

Jumping into the system I immediately felt something was wrong. And I don't mean I felt it like I feel a cool breeze coming on on a warm summer night. I mean I felt it like a planet crashing into my face. I had entered Bogelek, the worst scum hole in the known universe, and two young ruffians were in local. A quick scan revealed a Dramiel and a Caldari Navy Hookbill - a deadly combination, much like a marmot in a bathtub going after your Johnson. From previous experience I expected them to have guns attached to their ships!
People, let me get this straight: Pator Tech School is committed to make New Eden a great place for the whole family. No sex, no profanity, no violence!
Eurolring Korneri, CEO Pator Tech School
Now one thing at a time, I've decided to enforce that no-violence policy first. Flipping through the Rifter's manual pages I did not only not find the section on how to deal with unruly faction frigs (and I remembered the other day when I ... ah never mind, that story ain't safe for work), I didn't find the manual in my trunk in the first place. What a crap.

Unfinished Business 14: Loooot

A small peek into my Rifter's cargo hold after a 48 hour roam. Turns out a lot of you guys are carrying a lot of books. Weird. I like the hand crafted wooden faction chair best. Looks comfy! I think the chandelier eventually fit into one of my unfortunate Slicers.

Nice chandelier, eh?

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Unfinished Business 4: CSI Siseide

This post came to me when one time I crashed a rookie mining operation in Egghelende. All that I left was wrecks and corpses and I wondered how that would look like to a pilot passing by. Oh boy ... I even had a screen shot photoshopped with crime scene tape and blood all over the asteroid field. Can't find it now though.

[with Max Payne voice]
I warped in from the dark and cold. The belt was a mess. Piles of hot metal, wrecks, corpses scattered all over the place. Minutes ago this had been a screaming hell, lasers cutting through the void, burning flesh, bullets tearing holes into civilian ships.

A low sec mining operation that had gone very very wrong.

Ever since I joined CSI Siseide I hoped I would get used to it. But I didn't.

The incoming reports had mentioned a pirate ship that had raided a newbie mining operation in this belt. I had seen this before. The fight must have taken less than a minute. A Civilian Miner fit Catalyst had been blown to pieces by artillery fire, probably in a few volleys. What was left of the pilot was arranged across an asteroid.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Unfinished Business 32: PVP Secrets

I know a lot of sources like Wensley's overrated Rifter Guide are all about fitting and tactics. In this unfinished posts I prove them all wrong! (And let's add a good ship name to all remaining posts, dammit.)
For years many discussions in the EVE Online community circle around the misconception, that a good fit is essential for PVP success. This is however not true. PVP success comes from ship naming and from ship naming alone. I think there will be no debate over that ships must be named after songs. But which songs will crack your opponents shields? Which sound will help you to dispatcherate the enemy fleet?

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Unfinished Business 3: Rifter Safety Recall

I'm clearing out my blog's draft box. This one is a rather longish intro to a Rifter killing spree I had one weekend with about 10 or 15 victims.
A few weeks ago the Minmatar manufacturer of the Rifter announced a mandatory safety recall on approximately 47,300 Rifters to fix a problem with the rear drive while backing up: In some rare circumstances the gasket between the ships engine exhaust and the bubble water pipe of the on board hot tub heatificator could break  - well I don't understand a single word here except hot tub, but the consequences are pretty clear: - causing the brave pilot to be fried in his Rifter like the pale nerd I am on the beach of Ipanema in the hot summer sun. (I would very much include a picture of that beach but I'm afraid to because I'm writing this from my PTS office in Amamake and I suspect they're monitoring my network traffic since the last incident.) Needless to say I immediately returned my Rifters to the repair shop and got me some patched ones from the Pator Tech School corporate hangar.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Unfinished Business 7: A Wolf at the Door

Another post from the trash bin. I think it's the first post I wrote EVAR. I think most of this has been recycled into various other posts of varying unimportance. 

There I am in Egghelende, minding my own damn business (which is scanning frigs to exterminate them with EXTREME PREJUDICE!) when suddenly a Rifter appears on scan I've seen earlier in an Auga belt spending quality time with a Wolf. Since no ship was harmed then I assumed they worked together. Boy am I smart sometimes!

So during all this own-damn-business-minding I tried to jump on the Rifter several times just to find the Wolf or a Jaguar or even nothing at all. It was getting late (almost 11p.m., payamah time!) so I though I might as well push it and try to engage the Wolf. I figured I could take on the Wolf at range in case it's an AB fit and still manage to disengage in case I found the incoming damage unbearable.

So, feeling as frisky as a twelve year old swedish boy, I warped in, pointed the Wolf which obviously had an AB fitted and started to RAIN BULLETS ON HIM. After a few seconds the Rifter and the Jaguar invaded our privacy and I warped out. Now, bear in mind I'm often in Amamake and I admire the smacking skills exposed there, but well, I don't really have what it takes to be a decent smacker ... Ok, so I tried to start a shy smack-ola ("[...] not so good [...]", I'm not sure it's even SMACK without referring to genitals or fat ugly mommas) with subtle emphasis on the gangs un-ability to kill a solo Rifter.

I was surprised and pleased to the MAX to see it worked! This time the Wolf warped in and let me work on his shields and armor. When I got through to the wooden inner shell his friends appeared again but I wouldn't let go until it's complete disassembly.
Seconds after the Wolf exploded the Jaguar put my Rifter to sleep.
It died, like so many new ships of it's class, it died before it's time after only five kills and one or two pods. In your wisdom, Lord, you took it, as you took so many bright flowering new ships in Jita, in Eszur, at 3-1 in Amamake ...
Good night, sweet prince.

Unfinished Business 11: Extreme Hottubbing

A tribute to the one and only place for erotic space role play! I know I've created a few uncomfortable situations there. Forgive me comrades!

"Suze, is this thing on?"
The Hot Tub Crew on the brink of unknown delights.
After a day's hard work securing the space lanes there's nothing like sharing a Hot Tub with fellow pirates. Plunging into a tepid pool of our own filth, watching all kinds of microscopic parasites and organisms having sex all around us, washing off that stench of fear and failure, relaxing. That's what this is all about I keep telling myself while I explore the bloated and pale bodies around me.

Saftsuze created the hot tub channel for solo PVP addicts which want to share intel. Usually this concept backfires due to the weird nature of many conversations here. I think I was afk-on-a-gate more than once while reading up on the latest "intel".

Friday, August 5, 2011

Unfinished Business 9: Corpse Collection

Still publishing the leftovers from the drafts folder of my blog. And I'm still looking for a reason to quit! Come on people, I know you're all filthy rich!
All those corpses. I have a hanger full of corpses, male, female, of people I've killed and some that I picked up just because I find it disgusting to leave them floating in space.

But to be honest, I think I can't keep that going, they're stinking up the place. There's been this chick from the helmet rental near the hangar at Siseide, she had been hitting on me like I was Justin Bieber or something but recently she's giving me the meh'. And I think that's because of the corpses and the smell coming from my hangar boxes. All these first weeks in high sec when I thought I might impress the ladies with a nonchalant "do you wanna come upstairs? I'll show you my corpse collection." line. Oh vanity, thy name is Sobczynski.

Try to create this,
"Character Creator"!
I think one of them is following me with her eyes. She looks like Christina Ricci in Buffalo 66 which isn't particularly helpful either. Bosomy. Creepy stuff.

Also I decided to have moral issues with corpses in my hangar.

The corpses have to go.


Now and then I'm getting a little melancholic and I start thinking about all those thirty-five bodies I lost and all the immortal souls attached to those bodies. Where are they now? Do they rest in peace? Have they been deleted from the databases of that almighty entity we call CCP? I'm sure many of my pretty good looking nacked bodies are on display in a space perverts hangar doomed to be part of an unholy collection and proof of the owners PVP skills. Oh how I yearn to set them free. Why is that? I guess my current incarnation is still somehow connected to the previous ones, but who the hell knows, I'm not a very spiritual person.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Unfinished Business Part 1: Overheating Doesn't Smell Like Strawberry Milk or: Mom I Overheated the Whole Shit or: My Ship Smells Like Shit

Now with me quitting EVE and abandoning this blog I still have some stuff in the trunk. Unfinished posts, ideas and all that. First in the series of paralipomena is an unfinished gem from last year with a title like strawberry milk. I don't really remember where the whole post was supposed to be heading but then again that was not unusual.
1MN Afterburner with 60% Heat Damage
So you've been forced into a fight by some criminal ratting in a belt. And to finish him off quickly you overheated some of you modules. Bam! There's your problem!

Now this is a problem that makes me dispose of a Rifter after a few fights: I actually overheat almost all of the modules all the time, so after the fight the whole ship starts smelling pretty funky. Now I've tried to put those anti-smell things on the rear view mirror but both only combined to another evil stink. Now granted you can get hooked on that stink stuff in a good way, but I usually decide: The funk has to go!

I've tried everything: I jumped with open side windows, I even I parked the ship near a sun with open windows but it doesn't help. Neither did strawberry milk.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Rage Lot Quittery! Galore!

I think this is it.

I'm quittin'. Now, I have no reason to quit, which feels bad in a strange way, you know, like wasting a good opportunity. I know there are  many people out there which would very much like to rage quit just to show CCP who's BOSS.

Spaceboy is sleepy now.
You hate the captains quarters? Hell yeah!
You'd like to nerf null sec? Count me in!
You want to nerf empire? Who's trying to stop me?
Jump freighters un-nerf anyone?
Mission rewards system too ... whatever?
Dramiel too powerful?
Station games?
Those are all the last straws!
(It's a shame I haven't been following the blogs lately so I'm not sure whats the rage of the month now. Anyways. Focus. Just once more ...)

Now here's the punch line: If you would very much like to quit EVE to show CCP your anger, but fuckdammit you love this game too much to leave it, I can do it for you (unfortunately just for one of you!):
  1. You name the reason why I should quit and I'll write a raging post about it. You know, to stir up some shit in the blogosphere. Millions of readers! The press will get to know what's REALLY going on in EVE!  
  2. Then I guess there's a form I can fill out to tell CCP once again why I'm quitting. Then I'll cancel my subscription and CCP will know your cause matters! Cancellation hurts them badly. I heard it's the real worlds equivalent to gate gun fire! Yeah really!
I was a ... well ... not a pirate exactly ... but I shot people for profit, -- oh boy, that doesn't sound right at all! -- now I'll quit for profit. And I'm talking about seriouz money here. At least one ... eh ... hundred thousand ISK. No less! 100,000 ISK is the minimum bid.

Post sum and emu rage quit reason NAO!

Ah yeah, another thing: I really don't need the ISK, cos I'm quitting, right? But I want it nevertheless, it's just for fun, like everything I did in EVE. Except hauling maybe. And trading. And buying implants. With the ISK I will either fund a Rifter roam in MY HONOR (YOU HEARD ME!) or some research to make gate guns deadlier.  

300 DPS ain't hurtin for shit in this universe, Selma!