Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Space Xmas at Pator Tech School

I just wanted to tell you that contrary to what I wrote in a previous post I will stay at Pator Tech School. Luckily my poor performance and efficiency records weren't that crucial after all when I pushed for the CEO's soft spot at the holiest of corporate events: The Xmas Party.

Cookie Cutter Lemon Fit FTW!
I won a drinking duell (old school consensual cocktail PVP) against my CEO at the Pator Tech School Holiday Party last friday during which I got him to sign my contract extension. He went straight from structure to pod when he started orbiting rapidly at close range and I reloaded and started shooting Strawberry Margaritas for better tracking. Also I might have put some acid in his Caipirinha. GF and hurray!

Afterwards my indian co-pilot Saranjit and I found out what all those chinese* tattoos on the back of one of our female colleagues meant, but she wouldn't let us know where the sentence ended! So being the professionals we are we resorted to classy remarks about female anatomy in general and a lot of groping on the dance floor.
Couldn't convince Saranjit not to fly home drunk though - hope he didn't get concordified.

* I couldn't read it and it wasn't russian. 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Happy Anniversary!

Almost without noticing I recklessly trashed my 200th T1 Frigate. Sentry Guns, how appropriate! According to Panthe Tek I should be expelled from Pator Tech School any minute now:

I read a CCP Dev wrote that after explushioning your 200th Rifter an automated script kicks you from your current NPC Corp and moves you to the opposing most-hated faction, in your case, Amarr.

Oh how I will miss the inspiring environment at Pator Tech School! Also as a PTS pilot you have quite some reputation, you're expected to strut around any low sec system like you own the place, while BC gangs will hesitate to engage, probers will offer help, haulers jettison their most valuable items! And all this just because I was flying under the feared PTS flag!

How will I survive alone? Will I survive at all? Will any of the other top notch NPC corps hire a down and out PTS pilot?

Maybe there's still something that can be done about it. I've scheduled a meeting with my CEO to clarify the matter.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

A Daredevil Comedy of Errors

While EVE taught me the peaceful way of the velour warrior (by force!) it also teaches me a lot of other things. I would really appreciate an exclusive lesson in interstellar voodoo (some of my opponents seem to have that!) but I got one I'm getting quite a few in humility instead.

I hate that ugly funk of heat damaged mods!
Now on to the subject of humility, my dear reader, I didn't mean to tease you with idle chatter.

After a rather half-assed Rifter roam with lots of cooking in between scan sessions I ran into a cooperating Punisher with an extremely upbeat attitude that required correction. While landing nicely at 20 km I somehow missed to set an appropriate orbit (I personally like 13 kilometers) so 20 seconds into the fight I was at 800m and without armor. Now kids, one important aspect when flying a long range fit is range! So I overheated my afterburner and got out to a nice orbit where the punisher wasn't hitting me at all. Phew for a minute there I saw myself sitting in a pod. Instead the Punisher guy was.

15 minutes later I found a Daredevil, a Thorax and a Myrmidon in a belt and warped in just to take a look. The Daredevil was immediately turning towards me. I was flattered and watching its speed I figured I'd be able to kite and hurt it a little before warping out. Unfortunately I was so excited about that Daredevil that I didn't check the cruisers at all, they were still not moving much. The errors:
  1.  Not checking the pilots in the belt.
  2.  While kiting the Daredevil I didn't notice that the battlecruisers were now at about 150kms and 150 kilometers is damn much closer than 100 kilometers!
Now everything worked fine with that Daredevil, he was webbed and scrambled and obviously very uncomfortable within my falloff when suddenly I noticed the battlecruisers were close. Very close! Within 10 km! With the Daredevil in structure I started aligning to warp out the second he exploded. And here's the next error:
  1. Aligning to a station while flagged as criminal.
So with the Myrmidon and the Thorax very close, my heart and pancreas and Rifter close to meltdown the Daredevil exploded and I thought I had exploded too, so I started spamming the warp button. At least I would get with my pod out. I was feeling like a porn film star in the eighties! I had solo-ed a Daredevil! That was pretty close to soloing a Dramiel, but let's not go crazy here. Dizzy as a frog I warped out and arrived at the station and to my surprise: I was still in my Rifter! Hurray!

But not for long: Friendly sentry gun fire killed my baby.

Anyway, still a very satisfying kill. GF everybody.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Hello, Hello, Hello, Is There Anybody in There?

Hey universe, look at my brand new Magnate!
Last week my wallet hit rock bottom. With only like 10 million left in my stockings I was looking for a non-boring approach to earn some ISK in low security space apart from working night shifts at that hipster night club in Auga. Have you seen those rich FW alts flashing filthy trader main money lately?

Anyway. Also I felt I needed to improve on my probing speed if I want to catch some more mission runners so I saddled up a new Magnate for probing and set sail for unknown shores. I was looking for Radar Signatures but I didn't find any. Only a lot of Gravimetric and Ladar Sites. Moving on to Devoid I probed a wormhole in Sosan.

Well, I've never been in a wormhole and I was extremely curious, so I entered in my Magnate. And once again our investment into indian support staff for the Pator Tech School corp chat paid off: I got the advice to bookmark my entry point. Thanks guys!

The wormhole itself was pretty boring, except the Magnate was almost eaten by a pack of frigate NPCs at a belt. I decided to bring a Rifter (!) later to kite, kill and dissect them–for scientific reasons, not for cosmetics!

Hey universe, you've got a blister on your butt!
A few hours later and back with a MWD Rifter (which could do ridiculous speeds in there) I warped to the belt where I had seen the NPCs and played a little. Unfortunately they were flying close formation and I couldn't kite just one and finish him off with my 280mm Howitzers. I really tried for some time, but meh, maybe next time I should bring more tank and DPS. At least I got out with my Rifter in one piece.

GF wormhole. Next time I'll kick your butt!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Dealing with Customer Complaints

Well I'm no expert in the ransoming business. Most pods I can snag are young chars without expensive bling bling hardwired into in their brains. I 'm trying to ransom before podding nevertheless, but sometimes a system is busy with lots of criminals which could warp in any time or [raises voice] a Dramiel is already burning towards me. In those cases I just shoot the pod.

Residence in Egghelende VII - Moon 22.
Try the Steakhouse!
So I'm sitting in my Egghelende cabin the other day, reviewing recent combat logs with my intern Ms Lebowski when an angry customer transmission comes in:
Customer > you kill me yesterday
Customer > and you destroy my implantats
Customer > give me 50.000.000 milion on new byu for me and i dodnt kill you . ok ?
Sobczynski > did i ask you for ransom?
I skipped through the logs and found what I had suspected: I had not ransomed that guy. Trying to figure out the damage I had done, it turns out he had all slots filled with something. I then resorted to the final step of every B2C interaction:
Sobczynski > Hmm, usually: No refunds.
Customer > yes you destroy me yesterday and new clone all my implantats lost
Sobczynski > It seems I forgot to ransom you yesterday. So it's my fault indeed.
Customer > ok i find you
Sobczynski > Ok, I'm in Amamake at the moment. I'll be in in Vard, Auga, Siseide or Egghelende later. You can find me there.
Customer > ok thanks good fly
Sobczynski > pleasure talking to you.
Phew. For a minute there I thought he might file a complaint at my corps issue tracker!

I'll attach another example of a successful transaction, this time with a very nice and funny young pilot. You see the classic steps of a successful ransom applied (I have highlighted the the key phrases).

#1 Friendly Greeting and a GF
Sobczynski > hi there
Sobczynski > gf!
Customer > no :(
Customer > you kicked my butt
#2 Establishing a cordial atmosphere for the negotiations
Sobczynski > i have an range fit, bad luck mate
Customer> oh i see
#3 Ransom Offer
Sobczynski > 5 million for your pod?
Customer > i have never been held at ransom
Customer > where is my knight in shining armor?
#4 Guiding the customer through the process
Sobczynski > no sweat, i'll guide you through the process
Sobczynski > ok, you pay and you wont get podded
Customer > i see
Customer > ok how
Sobczynski > normally theres a time limit :)
Sobczynski > right click my name-> give money
#5 Completing the transaction
Customer > there ya go
Sobczynski > thanks mate.
Sobczynski > pleasure doing business with you

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Daddy Needs a New Set of Implants!

After each pod-ola I try to come up with an useful set of hardwiring implants. I get podded quite a lot, so they musn't be too expensive, 10 million in my head, that's enough I say! I don't care about learning implants anymore so we're talking about slot 6 and up.

My main interests are commitment and changing myself damage, speed and agility. So I chose:
  • SLOT 6: SX-1 (+3% projectile damage) for less than 1 million ISK
  • SLOT 7: AY-1 (+3% agility), 8 million ISK
  • SLOT 9: ZGA100 (+3% optimal range), 4 million ISK
Prices are roughly the cheapest sells at Rens. Some other interesting implants are either too expensive or don't fit into my skull:
  • SLOT 6: CY-1, +3% speed
  • SLOT 6: MY-1, +3% Afterburner/MWD speed
  • SLOT 7: AX-1, +3% tracking speed
  • SLOT 7: ZGC100, +3% falloff
  • SLOT 8: ZET300, +3% hull
Isn't there any interesting implant for slots 10? I'm not too gaga over SLOT 8's +3% hull either, but I don't see any useful alternative here. Another question: Did CCP change the slot mappings at some point? A lot of web resources seem to have them wrong.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Extermination Postponed, or: The One Hour Siseide Extravaganza

So there I am again, in my Rifter, minding my own business, which is basically scanning people to exterminate them, you know, with EXTREME PREJUDICE. (I must admit that it turns out that the people I engage to exterminate with extreme prejudice are actually out to exterminate me. And they succeed a lot lately. I'm not sure why, but I think I might have become a little too cocky after seven kills in a row one day with one Rifter.)

Spending Quality Time in Siseide, Heimatar.
But I digress. Finding Amamake D-scan mostly empty once again I jumped into Siseide en route to Auga. Siseide didn't seem busy except for a Magnate (nom de guerre: Probe) sitting in planetary orbit. Unfortunately the Magnate's behaviour was not ... , um, encouraging. It warped to other planets a few times until I managed to get a lock and land a nice salvo, but before the second shot I got this outrageous error message:

[ 2010.11.08 23:06:03 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.

Now I don't know if there was some sort of foul play but let me tell you something: I'm not through with CCP.  That's my vow to you. Invulnerable Targets must go! If shooting fleeing targets is wrong I don't wanna be right!

But I digress again. Now what's nicer than attacking an unarmed T1 frigate? Right: Attacking a battlecruiser. More specifically: Attacking a Myrmidon–which is by my standards an ugly punch in the face of every aesthetically aware pilot. I'm not kidding.

I warped into the belt, approached directly and set an orbit of 14 kilometers. Then, surprisingly and all of a sudden I got this error message:
[ 2010.11.08 23:12:40 ] (combat) Hobgoblin II belonging to Shamdex Vox hits you, doing 56.4 damage.
Battlecruiser with drones?
When did that happen?

A lot of them. Turns out the Myrmidon had drones! Needless to say I fled the scene, my display turning red within seconds. Deeply in structure waiting out that annoying GCC I decided not to pursue the extermination of that particular Myrmidon. I scanned and warped between safe spots when I spotted a Rifter but with my damaged ship I was clearly not able to engage. I decided to ignore the GCC, docked, repaired my baby and undocked, pretty eager to get that Rifter. I knew I would have to undock and warp away pretty quickly since the criminal flag was still on. Nevertheless:

[ 2010.11.08 23:29:10 ] (combat) Caldari Sentry Gun II lightly hits you, doing 207.3 damage.
[ 2010.11.08 23:29:10 ] (combat) Caldari Sentry Gun I places an excellent hit on you, inflicting 377.4 damage.

Ah well, with my puny shields gone I engaged the fellow Rifter which was obviously cooperating with other
criminalz in local namely one sexy Jaguar. After a few hits I had stripped the Rifter off it's shields and half it's armor, but the Jaguar warped in closely and I disengaged.

Again, damaged, with fresh GCC I postponed the killing of the two frigates. Scanning and poking around I found myself two very young cruiser pilots in a Celestis and an Osprey. They did not agree on their extermination  either so I had to chase them around a little before I could point and engage the Osprey at Siseide IX. Then suddenly:
[ 2010.11.08 23:50:57 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.
The Osprey warped out! Ok, switching to the Celestis. After a few blows:
[ 2010.11.08 23:51:25 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.

Ah, f... it. One minute later I scanned the Jaguar, kited it and ... what can I tell you, the Rifter jumped in and the Myrmidon too. Before they could lock me I tried to disengage once again like a coward but while I was aligning my traversal speed dropped allowing the Jaguar to land the final hit before I managed to warped out.

There goes my Rifter.

I was so close to warping that I didn't expect the explosion–next thing I saw was a medical tube thing at a station!

Good fight to all of you!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Nestor, or: Bad Day at Pator Tech School

I started Eve to have some relaxation and innocent and wholesome fun. Now I'm sitting at Amamake VI, Moon 8 getting yelled at by some NPC corporation manager with a german accent.
"These Excel sheets showing your combat records ... You're joking, right?"
I've had a bad week. I've had a very bad week.
"... October 25th, you lost against a Tristan, 20 minutes later you get killed and podded by a Slicer, then ..."
The Slicer caught me when undocking my unfitted Rifter. I wasn't paying too much attention, so my pod and the implants blew up. Another twenty minutes later I undocked with my freshly fitted Rifter just to be killed at the station because the guy got close. I fly arties you know.
"The CEO won't be too pleased with your ... ehm, efforts, Sobczynski."
Next week I have a performance feedback meeting at the Pator Tech School headquarters. There will be some yapping about sentry guns and GCC, picking the right targets and avoiding Eve U ganks I'm sure. Damn, why did I join one of Eve's most elitist corps?

Can one be kicked out of an NPC corp?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Totally Romantic Stuff

I'm having trouble with my alt.

O.k., I know you've got to be on good terms with your alt. At least if you want to keep the stream of supplies coming and maybe some monetary support in case you find out that living off of loot doesn't work for you. And it doesn't work for me either! But lately she started nagging a lot about getting my sec status fixed and moving to a POS in high security space and doing some missioning or trading or hauling … all kinds of boring stuff.

But, … well, you know.
Bunny Lebowski, Traveling

Pirate yuppie live style is not just about preparing power point presentations for your CEO and dispatcherating mostly harmless travelers. It's also about dating cheap floozies on the side, which I do.

So I picked up Bunny one day in Eszur, an aspiring student of computer arts. Quite contrary to the rest of the crew (and their captain), she's pretty savvy! She reconfubled my gyrostabilizer in no time!