Unfinished Business 14: Loooot

A small peek into my Rifter's cargo hold after a 48 hour roam. Turns out a lot of you guys are carrying a lot of books. Weird. I like the hand crafted wooden faction chair best. Looks comfy! I think the chandelier eventually fit into one of my unfortunate Slicers.

Nice chandelier, eh?

Unfinished Business 3: Rifter Safety Recall

I'm clearing out my blog's draft box. This one is a rather longish intro to a Rifter killing spree I had one weekend with about 10 or 15 victims.

A few weeks ago the Minmatar manufacturer of the Rifter announced a mandatory safety recall on approximately 47,300 Rifters to fix a problem with the rear drive while backing up: In some rare circumstances the gasket between the ships engine exhaust and the bubble water pipe of the on board hot tub heatificator could break  - well I don't understand a single word here except hot tub, but the consequences are pretty clear: - causing the brave pilot to be fried in his Rifter like the pale nerd I am on the beach of Ipanema in the hot summer sun. (I would very much include a picture of that beach but I'm afraid to because I'm writing this from my PTS office in Amamake and I suspect they're monitoring my network traffic since the last incident.) Needless to say I immediately returned my Rifters to the repair shop and got me some patched ones from the Pator Tech School corporate hangar.

Unfinished Business 7: A Wolf at the Door

Another post from the trash bin. I think it's the first post I wrote EVAR. I think most of this has been recycled into various other posts of varying unimportance. 

There I am in Egghelende, minding my own damn business (which is scanning frigs to exterminate them with EXTREME PREJUDICE!) when suddenly a Rifter appears on scan I've seen earlier in an Auga belt spending quality time with a Wolf. Since no ship was harmed then I assumed they worked together. Boy am I smart sometimes!

So during all this own-damn-business-minding I tried to jump on the Rifter several times just to find the Wolf or a Jaguar or even nothing at all. It was getting late (almost 11p.m., payamah time!) so I though I might as well push it and try to engage the Wolf. I figured I could take on the Wolf at range in case it's an AB fit and still manage to disengage in case I found the incoming damage unbearable.

So, feeling as frisky as a twelve year old swedish boy, I warped in, pointed the Wolf which obviously had an AB fitted and started to RAIN BULLETS ON HIM. After a few seconds the Rifter and the Jaguar invaded our privacy and I warped out. Now, bear in mind I'm often in Amamake and I admire the smacking skills exposed there, but well, I don't really have what it takes to be a decent smacker ... Ok, so I tried to start a shy smack-ola ("[...] not so good [...]", I'm not sure it's even SMACK without referring to genitals or fat ugly mommas) with subtle emphasis on the gangs un-ability to kill a solo Rifter.

I was surprised and pleased to the MAX to see it worked! This time the Wolf warped in and let me work on his shields and armor. When I got through to the wooden inner shell his friends appeared again but I wouldn't let go until it's complete disassembly.
Seconds after the Wolf exploded the Jaguar put my Rifter to sleep.

It died, like so many new ships of it's class, it died before it's time after only five kills and one or two pods. In your wisdom, Lord, you took it, as you took so many bright flowering new ships in Jita, in Eszur, at 3-1 in Amamake ...

Good night, sweet prince.

Unfinished Business Part 1: Overheating Doesn't Smell Like Strawberry Milk or: Mom I Overheated the Whole Shit or: My Ship Smells Like Shit

Now with me quitting EVE and abandoning this blog I still have some stuff in the trunk. Unfinished posts, ideas and all that. First in the series of paralipomena is an unfinished gem from last year with a title like strawberry milk. I don't really remember where the whole post was supposed to be heading but then again that was not unusual.

1MN Afterburner with 60% Heat Damage

So you've been forced into a fight by some criminal ratting in a belt. And to finish him off quickly you overheated some of you modules. Bam! There's your problem!

Now this is a problem that makes me dispose of a Rifter after a few fights: I actually overheat almost all of the modules all the time, so after the fight the whole ship starts smelling pretty funky. Now I've tried to put those anti-smell things on the rear view mirror but both only combined to another evil stink. Now granted you can get hooked on that stink stuff in a good way, but I usually decide: The funk has to go!

I've tried everything: I jumped with open side windows, I even I parked the ship near a sun with open windows but it doesn't help. Neither did strawberry milk.

The Jaguar and the Wolf

Rifter Cockpit: In your face brushed aluminium! 

Yesterday I was on sick leave from the office due to a serious strawberry milk intoxication. I had been throwing up all day but in the evening I took the liberty to take a stroll through Amamake. Nothing special, just enjoying the cool evening breeze, the sound of distant gun fire, the smell of corpses piling up at the Ossogur gate. And I met an Incursus and a Rifter doing the same. The Incursus went down surprisingly fast, so I was still in mint condition when I switched to the Rifter. Within few moments I could already see the ship's tasteful wooden interior through the pierced hull when a Dramiel entered the stage and burnt towards us. Needless to say I don't fancy fighting Dramiels in my Rifter. So I warped out.

Well with the strawberries and all the fighting my memory is a little fuzzy on the next 40 minutes, but I guess there was another Rifter I sent back to it's manufacturer in the sky before I scanned a Jaguar at a planet. I checked my supplies on Fusion and tried to summon my Tatrah, which is, in the believes of my people, the holy spirit within me. I have no confidence problem, but just to make sure, you know. I wanted that Jaguar dead and I believe strongly that made up Tatrah stuff can help. And if not, it wouldn't hurt, would it?

I know what you're thinking: Another post that goes nowhere. And you're right. But I swear, I had a plan: Short introduction, a little background story involving contaminated strawberries and then directly to the topic. Then a little we-learned-a-valuable-lesson-here. And then hit "post". But ok, ok, I can still fix this post! Focus Sobczynski, focus!

Jaguar wreck as I imagined it.

I don't exactly know where it was, but eventually I was able to put my disruptor on the unregistered assault frigate and I unleashed my 80 DPS on him. This wasn't my first rendezvous with a Jaguar, so I knew I had to be careful and I asked my mail order crew to stay at 16 kilometers from the enemy. After some discussions and mails with the headquarters we decided to go for that and work on the his shields a little until lunch. It felt like ten minutes, but the logs show that for four minutes we were clubbing him with all we had. Republic Fleet Fusion S from 16 kilometers. Republic Fleet Fusion S from 12 kilometers. For the most part I wasn't taking any damage until he switched to barrage. Adding to my misery I was forced to reload and from my porch window I watched helplessly the Jaguar repping up half his shields while my guns were blinking stupidly! I was still taking damage and the crew started sending me mails and threatened me to talk to the work council, so when we reached half hull I agreed to retreat! I was so mad I pushed one of the kids that shovel the coal into the oven out of the air lock!

Twenty minutes later - everything repaired, I even remembered to pick up a few new boxes of Fusion! - I scanned the same ship in Siseide. I engaged again, eager to get him this time. And not just for the killmail.
Somewhere I have to draw a line in the sand and show them who's BOSS in low sec solo PVP! And I failed again, in a very humiliating way. Four minutes into the fight, I was still in tip top shape this time, carefully navigating, no damage, the vicious cat without most of his shields already and then suddenly: I BURNED OUT MY GUNS! Can you imagine? How stupid was that? (The best answer to that question wins an artillery Rifter supply of RF Fusion S charges!) I asked for help in some channels, but nobody was nearby. I tried to contact guys from the neighboring pirate corps in Egghelende - nobody I knew was online! Meanwhile the Jaguar pilot rejected my cocky offer of a ransom and maneuvered his vessel back into the asteroids where finally I had to let him go. Cruel fate!

Imaginary Wolf wreck
floating in space.

Epilogue
A few days later I scanned a Wolf in Siseide and after some chasing I recognize the Jaguar pilot. I engaged with my Artillery Rifter, this time he had an MWD fit so I couldn't kite him, but with high tracking ammunition I was hitting him well enough on close range. I died, but it was a fun fight and very close nevertheless. I figured I'd have a better chance using my 400 mm plated Rifter, so I fetched it from my Siseide hangar. This time the fight was so close that when I exploded I first thought it was him, but alas …

Well played, Mr Kress! GF!

Shrink

Gotta see somebody ...

Every pilot has a breaking point. And I my friends, may just have reached mine.

I used to think that wouldn't happen to me. I used to make dirty jokes about those pilots that didn't want to get back in a combat ship after being podded. I used to laugh about pilots that hesitated to pod innocent miners.

Now where do I start, where do I start? I haven't slept in days. I'm cracking up!

I had found a Rifter pilot in an Amamake belt, I engaged, destroyed the ship, warp disrupted the pod. When I opened coms to negotiate a fee my request was blocked. I sent a gf through local and shot the pod. Thirty minutes later in Siseide I noticed a familiar looking Rifter, the same guy, Jeremaya, obviously looking for revenge. Just to get on with our lives I warped to a random belt and waited. Few seconds later the unfortunate Jeremaya followed and again my mighty 280mm guns prevailed and I also managed to point his pod. Now I didn't really want to pod him as I saw a friendly gf flashing up in local, but I was all like click disruptor, ctrl+click pod, click guns and wait. Before I knew it his pod was exterminated and that lonely gf which I wasn't able to return blinked there in local. Accusingly. Why did I pod him a second time? I really didn't want to! Oh, what had I done? The guilt, the unbearable guilt!

I have podded dozens of pilots and I have been podded dozens of times too. I don't know whats different this time. But I know I gotta see a shrink or I'll be cracking up! I will consult that shrink at Pator Tech School headquarters, I need some ... HALP. What is happening to me?

T1 Cruiser Purdification Backfire

Surrender your mysteries to me!

A stubborn heart shall fare evil at the last; and he that loveth danger shall perish therein.

Sirach 3:72

On my long voyage to purdify New Eden there's situations when I know the odds are bad but I have to take action. Consider the Celestis for example. The Celestis - and I want to be completely honest with you - is one ass ugly bird. On a scale of ugliness - where most gallente ships inhabit the upper (uglier) quarter - ... or, let me put it this way: In a universe of ugly ships the Celestis would still rank high among that universe's ugliest. In summary:

The Celestis poses a severe disturbance to the aesthetic balance in the force!¹

Seriously, I'm just messin with you kids, I think the Celestis is a marvelous ship. I will tell you why in a second.

Part IX of Minmatar 
Girls Gone Wild

I've had only few encounters with this Gallentian beauty, only two I can remember and both caught me off guard in my Rifter while all along I was thinking I caught them off guard. Until I was sitting in my pod that is.
A few days ago, I had just finished watching the surprisingly well directed Debbie does Heimatar (with a spectacular Bambi Woods' PvP jump clone) I spotted a Celestis in a belt and with the strong feeling that there's an aesthetic correction waiting to be performed I engaged at my comfy range. Drones? Sure, but not a problem as far as I remember. What I distinctly remember is that at some point I was getting too close. Web range close. Dual web range close! (Which is essentially the same as single web range, but I wanted to use this rhetoric figure thing to catch your attention, you little internet junkies! I know you're secretly longing to play HALO on your ATARI!)

And that was it for this Rifter.

Now I wouldn't have mentioned this if I hadn't found another Celestis yesterday, other pilot, other belt, same System: Siseide. Again I was very tempted, I warped in at 100km and watched. The pilot jumped to another belt, he didn't seem too eager to fight. Now that was a cunning move, because it pushed me over the edge: I followed the guy to the next belt and engaged at 20km to work on his coating. A set of T2 drones was unleashed and I managed to take out two or three before my opponent called them back. Meanwhile an unwelcome tracking disruptor had been working on my artilleries tracking, and I noticed I was doing too little damage. So I went in just a little closer. Just a liiiittle. 12800m. Ka-ba-ba-boom!

Solo Rifter pilots beware!

Now in concludification of this post: I'm very unpleased to see more and more anti-frig cruisers out there. I guess most of them will be after shiny Dramiels kills with these fits - which I support wholeheartedly - but there will be a lot of Rifters in the by-catch, like the those Dolphins accidentally caught by tuna trawlers!

Anyways, GF everybody!

¹Now go and put this into your red pilot's notebook!

PVP Secrets #7: Failing in Style

Sentinel: Recommended with EAF V

I don't sleep too well these days. The ghosts of ships that were dear to me haunt me, the memories of long lost station floozies and of course my bladder which also interferes with long roams. (The facilities in those Minmatar ships are not very comfy and honestly, I'm a little finicky about toilets. I've visited the greatest station rest rooms in low sec. Hell, I'd take a camped low sec station without repair facility but with with a lavish toilet over a safe pig sty any day! One day I will write a book about this. Don't laugh, I've got publishers interested and shit!)

Now I don't sleep well these days. I've got bugs in my head. I think it affects my flying in ways that are weird and deeply confusing. For example I bought a new Sentinel the other day, beautiful craftsmanship, business package, intelligent light, sport suspension, alabandin grey[1]. Breathtaking! Some less required skills (e.g. EAF IV) were still in queue but I thought, well, a little killing meanwhile wont hurt the karma of the ship, right? Two jumps later I ran into a Jaguar pilot, which was not only willing to fight, but also seemed quite familiar with his ship while I was figuring out what all the buttons meant. Not sure whether I have mentioned this before, but I was raised in a Rifter, so I was still fiddling with the unfamiliar Amarr controls when suddenly I was confronted with the much simpler interface of my pod.

I wasn't lazy either: I 'm sure he capped out during the fight.

Yesterday our Pator Tech School company medical guy allows me to fly again and I jump back into my Rifter and almost instantly find a Covetor in Bosena. Killed, podded and looted the guy. I think I should have ransomed, but ok, I'm glad I didn't get killed by the mining vessel's T1 drones in the first place! With GCC still on I find a Vengeance in the same system. (Since reading this excellent post I was very eager to get my hands on one!) After some waiting, warping to and fro and finishing a bad egg salad sandwich I found the Vengeance at a gate to high sec, along with a cane. Let's warp to 100km and have a look!

Five Minutes of Raw Dogfight Thrill!

I immediately docked and pretended in local I didn't cry which was hard to do. Thank god a very friendly fellow felt my pain and offered a rookie ship duel during which I showed him who's BOSS![2] Thanks Captain! I won't go into details here, because, as Wensley said, "the logs show everything"!



[1] I don't make this stuff up, it's all in the brochure!
[2] Miura B. in the Overheated Redheads Channel.

Amamake Now!

It's been quiet lately because after a little R&R (fishing in Vard) I've been busy with a new special operation. One of our Pator Tech School pilots, Shadeslayer, a highly decorated newbie, had gone rogue somewhere in the vicinity of Amamake. With the help of a native Angel tribe he had established a regime of unmatched cruelty and was operating without any decent restraint terrorizing the whole area and camping Heretic Army at the PTS station. Quite obviously he had gone insane, totally insane and his methods had become unsound.

PTS Air Cavalry

I was assigned to terminate his command.

For days I had been travelling up the Metropolis pipe and finally, I found him in the heart of darkness, in Amamake, Belt VI-3, in a Thrasher, escorted by his native goons. The hunt was over. I didn't care about orders from PTS head quarters any more, I didn't care about this war. I just wanted this maniac dead.

Because my trusty PTS Patrol Rifter had already taken serious damage from prior engagements I decided to call in an air strike to clear the whole belt and everyone within a 300,000 kilometers radius. Soon after I dialled the number I had the headquarters on the horn:

"Hello Almighty, Almighty, this is Mellow Moustache, over."
"Mellow Moustache, this is Almighty, how may I direct your call, over."
"Almighty, this is Mellow Moustache, I need an air strike at Amamake VI-3 in like 15 minutes, over."
"Mellow Moustache, this is Almighty, I can create an air strike support ticket for you and second level support will get in touch with you as soon as possible, over."
"Almighty, this is Mellow Moustache, I don't need a ticket, I need an immediate air strike, over."
"Mellow Moustache, this is Almighty, please hold the line, I will forward your request to second level support in Ryddinjorn, over."

I was holding the line and five minutes later-crazy Shadeslayer fortunately still in the belt with his good time buddies-I got the automated support on the line:

"To access your killboard stats please press 1.
For information on the company ship order process please press 2.
To call in an air strike please press 3."

There goes my simple plan. Last week I spilt a Banana Milk Shake 2GO all over my com controls and some keys were still stuck, among others the much needed "3". So I selected "2" instead and got some information on the company ship order process. Turns out I can't order ships which emit more than 150mg of black matter per AU any more! Bummer.

Fifteen minutes later, unable to call in the air strike and totally devastated about the fact that the company ship order procedure had been changed once again I decided to go in without backup. Special Forces style.

Forcing the gear stick from P to "Mild Warp" and overheating everything including my new vibrating captain's chair I went all-in and landed some 10 kilometers from my target. As soon as I got in range I started shooting his fearsome ratting fit Thrasher. Throwing in all his nine days of training and EVE experience he gave me a hell of fight! And also the two escorting Angel frigates were all over me. But knowing the major weak spot of the Minmatar Destroyer I finally managed to land a wrecking shot at the parallel port (yes, the printer port!) and the wicked vessel transformed into metal space Goulash!

PTS Low Security Space Patrol

Punisher Incident
(from Sobczynski Flight Protocol)

Lacking exciting stuff to report I decided to leak some confidential PTS low sec patrol flight reports from Sunday 13th 2011. Here we go:

Saturday, 2344: The Drakes Incident (Siside/Heimatar)
Pator Tech School (PTS) employee Sobczynski patrolling low sec notices two drakes harassing NPCs in a belt. Several attempts to separate and kite the offenders fail--incoming damage is surprisingly high. PTS equipment was damaged, but due to the extraordinary piloting skills employee Sobczynski gets his ship (Rupture) out alive every time. Finally a stern warning is issued to the criminal pilots through local.

Incident summary: Two or more Drakes can't be tanked in a Rupture.
Local chat evidence: [ 2011.02.13 00:06:06 ] Haoran Ning > lol

---

Cruor: Web and Neut FTW!

Sunday, 1250: Enemies at the Gate (Auga/Heimatar)
PTS employee Sobczynski was ambushed at the Amamake gate. PTS equipment (Rupture) and one enemy vessel (Crusader) destroyed.

Lesson learned (again): Avoid Auga/Amamake gate at all times. Even if you have to use the bathroom urgently.

---

Sunday, 1320: The Gate Gun Bug Report (Auga/Heimatar)
PTS employee Sobczynski loses PTS patrol vessel (SAR Rifter) due to a an error in Eve aggression mechanics. The bug causes gate guns to fire at PTS employees in case they attack a neutral target within gate gun range. CCP Quality Assurance has been informed.

Lesson learned: None!

---

Sunday, 1614: The Failed Stabber Fleet Issue Arrest (Aliette/Sinq Laison)
PTS employee Sobczynski fetches a Stabber Fleet Issue attempting to mind its own business. After several attempts to secure the Stabber Sobczynski decides to resort to the last step: Raw gun fire. But the enemies electronic counter measures lead to the destruction of a PTS Patrol Rupture.

---

Sunday, 1654: The Cruor Inspection Incident (Siseide/Heimatar)
A known offender refuses inspection of his Cruor. PTS employee Sobczynski insists. PTS equipment (Rifter) was destroyed.

Lesson learned: Check faction frigate boni before engaging.

---

I think I got a whiplash!

Sunday, 1751: The Failed Merlin Arrest (Siseide/Heimatar)
PTS employee Sobczynski's second attempt (using an Artillery Rifter) to arrest the Cruor pilot which was now using a Merlin fails after a long argument due to disruptor burnout. The offender fled the crime scene. Both vessels severely damaged. The offender refuses to pay his fine, legal department has been informed.

Log abstract: [ 2011.02.13 18:03:10 ] (notify) The module is too damaged to be onlined.

---

Sunday, 2017: The Vexor (Ezzara/Devoid)
PTS employee Sobczynski engaged a suspected NPC harasser and ore thief with his Rifter. The offending Vexor pilot failed to comply. Sobczynski's RL character's internet connection collapsed during the fight. PTS equipment severely damaged, repair facilities in Ezzara had to be used to restore the damaged PTS Patrol Rifter.

---

Sunday, 2211: The Punisher Incident (Egghelende/Sinq Laison)
PTS employee Sobczynski spotted a loitering Punisher pilot at a planet. After a rather long engagement the Punisher could be disposed of. Enemy reinforcements could be avoided.

---

Sunday, 2226: The Ishkur (Egghelende/Sinq Laison)
Another NPC harassment detected in an Egghelende belt. On approach PTS pilot Sobczynski's Rifter was shot at ruthlessly and had to disengage. The second attempt to resolve the issue by kiting the offender and defusing most of his Warrior II drones failed, because the Ishkur pilot managed to warp away before Sobczynski could close in for the final conciliation.

Lesson learned: While it's easy to pop webbed drones it's hard to keep the culprit pointed all the time.

---

Sunday, 2307: The Thorax (Amamake/Heimatar)
In a final desperate attempt to destroy his Rifter before midnight Sobczynski entered Amamake. As usual there was an NPC harassment in progress forcing Sobczynski to take immediate action. Two attempts to prosecute the Thorax pilot failed. Despite of breaking the Thoraxes tank and destroying two flights of Hammerhead I drones the perpetrator got away by using ECM once again.

Log Abstract:
[ 2011.02.13 23:16:07 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.
[ 2011.02.13 23:16:08 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.

---

gf everybody!

280MM

Last wednesday minmatar scientists were able to measure a few deceased Rifter pilots' immortal souls: The diameter was 280 millimeters.

Minmatar News Network

Kitchen Rifter

Ah, the Rifter. It's the ten dollar hooker of New Eden's Low Security space: You find one at every other gate and if you're nice it will follow you to a belt. But sometimes it doesn't. And sometimes it has friends waiting there to take your wallet. And sometimes it is not fit the way you expected and sometimes ... ah well ... I had the feeling this hooker analogy would take us nowhere. Let's start all over again.

Ah, the Rifter. It's New Eden's apple pie. Everybody loves it. It's superior to any other fruit cake. And sometimes it will bludgeon you over the head and take your wallet. See? This analogy is much better, it's always worth the time to think about a brilliant introduction. You heard me: BRILLIANT!

The Fit
I want to share with you my favourite Rifter fit, the 280mm Artillery Rifter. I know for the savvy Rifter addicts of you all this will be pretty obvious, but bear with me. I like this fit so much I simply have to blog about it. I've been using it excessively in the past and I had lots of fun with it. Also I may have lost more than a hundred of these so decide for yourself if my advice can be trusted.

Yeah, that's right: 280mm.

[Disconnection Notice]
Damage Control II
Local Hull Conversion Overdrive Injector I
Micro Auxiliary Power Core I

1MN Afterburner II
J5 Prototype Warp Disruptor I
'Langour' Drive Disruptor I

3x280mm Howitzer Artillery II, RF EMP/Fusion S

Small Projectile Burst Aerator I
Small Polycarbon Engine Housing I
Small Low Friction Nozzle Joints I

I've tried some variations: First I had a Gyrostabilizer II in the lows instead of the Damage Control which I changed at one point when I realized that the tank without DC wasn't always up to the task to get my sorry ass out of the opponents range. Another thing I tried was a tracking disruptor (cap!) or something similar instead of the web in the mids. But thats way too dangerous. The web is imperative! Also speed and agility are very important hence the rig selection, the AB II and the (cheap) overdrive. This fit's total costs are less than 5 million ISK.

OK, What's so Damn Good About It?
With the range (7.5km + 11km) and speed (~1300m/s) of this fit you will lose very few (fair) frigate fights if you're careful-you can almost always disengage. And the alpha is just great, here's my favourite sample:

[ 2010.11.10 22:15:32 ] (combat) Your group of 280mm Howitzer Artillery II places an excellent hit on pilot 'pilot'(Rupture), inflicting 1121.0 damage. 

What's the Catch?
Well, the DPS is bad, with less than 100dps (RF Fusion S or EMP S) it can take some time to take a Punisher's armor tank down. In some cases you can increase your damage by carefully lowering traversal (keeping range instead of orbiting). Having no tank is bad, very few good volleys from a cruiser sized vessel will put you in a pod. So will most frigates at close range.

The Artillery Rifter is not shy about exploding.

Storm Warning
Avoid anything faster than you, i.e. any frig with MWD. You have no scram, only web, and you have very bad tracking. Avoid anything that can hit hard at your preferred range, like faction frigs with range bonus, frigs with 200mm and barrage loaded. Avoid drone ships. Also be careful engaging multiple targets at once. It can be quite a task to keep a comfortable range from two ships at the same time without losing point or getting too close to one or the other.

Flying Technique
Carry at least EMP and Fusion and load what's best for your customer. In many cases he'll be eager to fight, so just kite him a little without your AB until he gets in range. Your standard opponent will be an armor fit AB Rifter which does about 1000m/s which will make you much faster as soon as your afterburner kicks in.

In case your opponent is not conveniently coming to you, avoid direct approach and try to fly a tangent of your preferred 13 km orbit. Otherwise you might overshoot and get too close. Never get closer than 10 kilometers! Now overheat your guns and your web, as soon as he is at about 15km disrupt him and then let them guns do their shit. You know, like shooting stuff. At 13 kms range start orbiting the enemy and keep an eye one the range and incoming damage. As soon as he gets closer: web. As soon as he tries to get out just overheat the AB and disruptor and go after him. Do this until the other ship explodes which can take a while. Also keep an eye on incoming damage. If it's too much just increase your orbit until you get out of his point range and GTFO safely.

Rifter Tactics 101: Megathron Mission Runner Massacre

Welcome to another installment of Rifter Tactics 101.
A frequent topic of discussion in our corporate cafeteria is: Can a Rifter take on a Megathron battleship? And how? Let's find out! (Ok, that part with the cafeteria is totally made up. I just read Eveoganda's Friday Fight the other day and thought I might share a believable real life example.)

A few months ago I probed a mission runner in a Megathron battleship. Not because I was looking for one, it's just that battleships are so easy to probe and I was bored by minding my own business. For my convenience the pilot hadn't bothered to rename his ship, so I knew who was flying the damn thing: A pilot much younger than me! In a battleship! Imaginary crew to battle stations!

Fig. A: Approaching the Prey

Be assured that the following maneuvers have been tried by me and reviewed by the Pator Tech School Flight Patterns & Post Flight Analysis Group, so it's safe for you too (and your kids) to try at home. Now the instructions:

1. It's best to approach such a beast as the Megathron in a slightly modified bumble bee pattern (see figure A).
2. Overheat the guns and engage the enemy when you reach position 2 in the picture I drew. (still figure A!)
3. Rain bullets on him like there's no tomorrow for like ten minutes:
   [ 2010.11.20 14:21:39 ] (combat) Your group of 280mm Howitzer Artillery II hits Customer 'Customer's Megathron'(Megathron), doing 391.5 damage.
   The Megathron should explode now. Just kidding. But maybe you can take out one of its wind shield wipers.



Fig. B: The Heimlich Maneuver

4. When the Megathron pilot starts noticing you a lot of error messages will likely pop up within a very short amount of time. Like this one:
   [ 2010.11.20 14:31:44 ] (combat) Hobgoblin II belonging to Customer heavily hits you, inflicting a lot of damage.
    You can safely ignore them for now …
   
5. … but not for long: When you see smoke coming out of your Rifter's propulsion thing it's time for the Heimlich Maneuver. I know it's frowned upon by so called "pros" but I like to use it now and then (see Figure B). Especially in situations like this.
6. I won't go into much detail about the Heimlich Maneuver as it's part of every pilot's training. Just make sure to fly it according to the book and align and warp out safely somewhere at position 5 in figure B.
7. Start smacking in local! Do it!

I think if the other pilot had slept a little longer and I had fleeted with some nearby friends in battleships the fight could have easily gone the other way!

And one other thing: I need a bigger ship with embiggened gun implants!

Happy Anniversary!

Almost without noticing I recklessly trashed my 200th T1 Frigate. Sentry Guns, how appropriate! According to Panthe Tek I should be expelled from Pator Tech School any minute now:

I read a CCP Dev wrote that after explushioning your 200th Rifter an automated script kicks you from your current NPC Corp and moves you to the opposing most-hated faction, in your case, Amarr.

Oh how I will miss the inspiring environment at Pator Tech School! Also as a PTS pilot you have quite some reputation, you're expected to strut around any low sec system like you own the place, while BC gangs will hesitate to engage, probers will offer help, haulers jettison their most valuable items! And all this just because I was flying under the feared PTS flag!

How will I survive alone? Will I survive at all? Will any of the other top notch NPC corps hire a down and out PTS pilot?

Maybe there's still something that can be done about it. I've scheduled a meeting with my CEO to clarify the matter.

A Daredevil Comedy of Errors

While EVE taught me the peaceful way of the velour warrior (by force!) it also teaches me a lot of other things. I would really appreciate an exclusive lesson in interstellar voodoo (some of my opponents seem to have that!) but I got one I'm getting quite a few in humility instead.

I hate that ugly funk of heat damaged mods!

Now on to the subject of humility, my dear reader, I didn't mean to tease you with idle chatter.

After a rather half-assed Rifter roam with lots of cooking in between scan sessions I ran into a cooperating Punisher with an extremely upbeat attitude that required correction. While landing nicely at 20 km I somehow missed to set an appropriate orbit (I personally like 13 kilometers) so 20 seconds into the fight I was at 800m and without armor. Now kids, one important aspect when flying a long range fit is range! So I overheated my afterburner and got out to a nice orbit where the punisher wasn't hitting me at all. Phew for a minute there I saw myself sitting in a pod. Instead the Punisher guy was.

15 minutes later I found a Daredevil, a Thorax and a Myrmidon in a belt and warped in just to take a look. The Daredevil was immediately turning towards me. I was flattered and watching its speed I figured I'd be able to kite and hurt it a little before warping out. Unfortunately I was so excited about that Daredevil that I didn't check the cruisers at all, they were still not moving much. The errors:

1.  Not checking the pilots in the belt.
2.  While kiting the Daredevil I didn't notice that the battlecruisers were now at about 150kms and 150 kilometers is damn much closer than 100 kilometers!

Now everything worked fine with that Daredevil, he was webbed and scrambled and obviously very uncomfortable within my falloff when suddenly I noticed the battlecruisers were close. Very close! Within 10 km! With the Daredevil in structure I started aligning to warp out the second he exploded. And here's the next error:

3. Aligning to a station while flagged as criminal.

So with the Myrmidon and the Thorax very close, my heart and pancreas and Rifter close to meltdown the Daredevil exploded and I thought I had exploded too, so I started spamming the warp button. At least I would get with my pod out. I was feeling like a porn film star in the eighties! I had solo-ed a Daredevil! That was pretty close to soloing a Dramiel, but let's not go crazy here. Dizzy as a frog I warped out and arrived at the station and to my surprise: I was still in my Rifter! Hurray!

But not for long: Friendly sentry gun fire killed my baby.

Anyway, still a very satisfying kill. GF everybody.

Hello, Hello, Hello, Is There Anybody in There?

Hey universe, look at my brand new Magnate!

Last week my wallet hit rock bottom. With only like 10 million left in my stockings I was looking for a non-boring approach to earn some ISK in low security space apart from working night shifts at that hipster night club in Auga. Have you seen those rich FW alts flashing filthy trader main money lately?

Anyway. Also I felt I needed to improve on my probing speed if I want to catch some more mission runners so I saddled up a new Magnate for probing and set sail for unknown shores. I was looking for Radar Signatures but I didn't find any. Only a lot of Gravimetric and Ladar Sites. Moving on to Devoid I probed a wormhole in Sosan.

Well, I've never been in a wormhole and I was extremely curious, so I entered in my Magnate. And once again our investment into indian support staff for the Pator Tech School corp chat paid off: I got the advice to bookmark my entry point. Thanks guys!

The wormhole itself was pretty boring, except the Magnate was almost eaten by a pack of frigate NPCs at a belt. I decided to bring a Rifter (!) later to kite, kill and dissect them–for scientific reasons, not for cosmetics!

Hey universe, you've got a blister on your butt!

A few hours later and back with a MWD Rifter (which could do ridiculous speeds in there) I warped to the belt where I had seen the NPCs and played a little. Unfortunately they were flying close formation and I couldn't kite just one and finish him off with my 280mm Howitzers. I really tried for some time, but meh, maybe next time I should bring more tank and DPS. At least I got out with my Rifter in one piece.

GF wormhole. Next time I'll kick your butt!

Extermination Postponed, or: The One Hour Siseide Extravaganza

So there I am again, in my Rifter, minding my own business, which is basically scanning people to exterminate them, you know, with EXTREME PREJUDICE. (I must admit that it turns out that the people I engage to exterminate with extreme prejudice are actually out to exterminate me. And they succeed a lot lately. I'm not sure why, but I think I might have become a little too cocky after seven kills in a row one day with one Rifter.)

Spending Quality Time in Siseide, Heimatar.

But I digress. Finding Amamake D-scan mostly empty once again I jumped into Siseide en route to Auga. Siseide didn't seem busy except for a Magnate (nom de guerre: Probe) sitting in planetary orbit. Unfortunately the Magnate's behaviour was not ... , um, encouraging. It warped to other planets a few times until I managed to get a lock and land a nice salvo, but before the second shot I got this outrageous error message:

[ 2010.11.08 23:06:03 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.

Now I don't know if there was some sort of foul play but let me tell you something: I'm not through with CCP.  That's my vow to you. Invulnerable Targets must go! If shooting fleeing targets is wrong I don't wanna be right!

But I digress again. Now what's nicer than attacking an unarmed T1 frigate? Right: Attacking a battlecruiser. More specifically: Attacking a Myrmidon–which is by my standards an ugly punch in the face of every aesthetically aware pilot. I'm not kidding.

I warped into the belt, approached directly and set an orbit of 14 kilometers. Then, surprisingly and all of a sudden I got this error message:
[ 2010.11.08 23:12:40 ] (combat) Hobgoblin II belonging to Shamdex Vox hits you, doing 56.4 damage.

Battlecruiser with drones?
When did that happen?

A lot of them. Turns out the Myrmidon had drones! Needless to say I fled the scene, my display turning red within seconds. Deeply in structure waiting out that annoying GCC I decided not to pursue the extermination of that particular Myrmidon. I scanned and warped between safe spots when I spotted a Rifter but with my damaged ship I was clearly not able to engage. I decided to ignore the GCC, docked, repaired my baby and undocked, pretty eager to get that Rifter. I knew I would have to undock and warp away pretty quickly since the criminal flag was still on. Nevertheless:

[ 2010.11.08 23:29:10 ] (combat) Caldari Sentry Gun II lightly hits you, doing 207.3 damage.
[ 2010.11.08 23:29:10 ] (combat) Caldari Sentry Gun I places an excellent hit on you, inflicting 377.4 damage.

Ah well, with my puny shields gone I engaged the fellow Rifter which was obviously cooperating with other criminalz in local namely one sexy Jaguar. After a few hits I had stripped the Rifter off it's shields and half it's armor, but the Jaguar warped in closely and I disengaged.

Again, damaged, with fresh GCC I postponed the killing of the two frigates. Scanning and poking around I found myself two very young cruiser pilots in a Celestis and an Osprey. They did not agree on their extermination  either so I had to chase them around a little before I could point and engage the Osprey at Siseide IX. Then suddenly:
[ 2010.11.08 23:50:57 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.
The Osprey warped out! Ok, switching to the Celestis. After a few blows:
[ 2010.11.08 23:51:25 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.

Ah, f... it. One minute later I scanned the Jaguar, kited it and ... what can I tell you, the Rifter jumped in and the Myrmidon too. Before they could lock me I tried to disengage once again like a coward but while I was aligning my traversal speed dropped allowing the Jaguar to land the final hit before I managed to warped out.


There goes my Rifter.


I was so close to warping that I didn't expect the explosion–next thing I saw was a medical tube thing at a station!

Good fight to all of you!

Nestor, or: Bad Day at Pator Tech School

I started Eve to have some relaxation and innocent and wholesome fun. Now I'm sitting at Amamake VI, Moon 8 getting yelled at by some NPC corporation manager with a german accent.

"These Excel sheets showing your combat records ... You're joking, right?"

I've had a bad week. I've had a very bad week.

"... October 25th, you lost against a Tristan, 20 minutes later you get killed and podded by a Slicer, then ..."

The Slicer caught me when undocking my unfitted Rifter. I wasn't paying too much attention, so my pod and the implants blew up. Another twenty minutes later I undocked with my freshly fitted Rifter just to be killed at the station because the guy got close. I fly arties you know.

"The CEO won't be too pleased with your ... ehm, efforts, Sobczynski."

Next week I have a performance feedback meeting at the Pator Tech School headquarters. There will be some yapping about sentry guns and GCC, picking the right targets and avoiding Eve U ganks I'm sure. Damn, why did I join one of Eve's most elitist corps?

Can one be kicked out of an NPC corp?