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| Punisher Incident (from Sobczynski Flight Protocol) |
Saturday, 2344: The Drakes Incident (Siside/Heimatar)
Pator Tech School (PTS) employee Sobczynski patrolling low sec notices two drakes harassing NPCs in a belt. Several attempts to separate and kite the offenders fail--incoming damage is surprisingly high. PTS equipment was damaged, but due to the extraordinary piloting skills employee Sobczynski gets his ship (Rupture) out alive every time. Finally a stern warning is issued to the criminal pilots through local.
Incident summary: Two or more Drakes can't be tanked in a Rupture.
Local chat evidence: [ 2011.02.13 00:06:06 ] Haoran Ning > lol
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| Cruor: Web and Neut FTW! |
PTS employee Sobczynski was ambushed at the Amamake gate. PTS equipment (Rupture) and one enemy vessel (Crusader) destroyed.
Lesson learned (again): Avoid Auga/Amamake gate at all times. Even if you have to use the bathroom urgently.
Sunday, 1320: The Gate Gun Bug Report (Auga/Heimatar)
PTS employee Sobczynski loses PTS patrol vessel (SAR Rifter) due to a an error in Eve aggression mechanics. The bug causes gate guns to fire at PTS employees in case they attack a neutral target within gate gun range. CCP Quality Assurance has been informed.
Lesson learned: None!
Sunday, 1614: The Failed Stabber Fleet Issue Arrest (Aliette/Sinq Laison)
PTS employee Sobczynski fetches a Stabber Fleet Issue attempting to mind its own business. After several attempts to secure the Stabber Sobczynski decides to resort to the last step: Raw gun fire. But the enemies electronic counter measures lead to the destruction of a PTS Patrol Rupture.
Sunday, 1654: The Cruor Inspection Incident (Siseide/Heimatar)
A known offender refuses inspection of his Cruor. PTS employee Sobczynski insists. PTS equipment (Rifter) was destroyed.
Lesson learned: Check faction frigate boni before engaging.
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| I think I got a whiplash! |
PTS employee Sobczynski's second attempt (using an Artillery Rifter) to arrest the Cruor pilot which was now using a Merlin fails after a long argument due to disruptor burnout. The offender fled the crime scene. Both vessels severely damaged. The offender refuses to pay his fine, legal department has been informed.
Log abstract: [ 2011.02.13 18:03:10 ] (notify) The module is too damaged to be onlined.
Sunday, 2017: The Vexor (Ezzara/Devoid)
PTS employee Sobczynski engaged a suspected NPC harasser and ore thief with his Rifter. The offending Vexor pilot failed to comply. Sobczynski's RL character's internet connection collapsed during the fight. PTS equipment severely damaged, repair facilities in Ezzara had to be used to restore the damaged PTS Patrol Rifter.
Sunday, 2211: The Punisher Incident (Egghelende/Sinq Laison)
PTS employee Sobczynski spotted a loitering Punisher pilot at a planet. After a rather long engagement the Punisher could be disposed of. Enemy reinforcements could be avoided.
Sunday, 2226: The Ishkur (Egghelende/Sinq Laison)
Another NPC harassment detected in an Egghelende belt. On approach PTS pilot Sobczynski's Rifter was shot at ruthlessly and had to disengage. The second attempt to resolve the issue by kiting the offender and defusing most of his Warrior II drones failed, because the Ishkur pilot managed to warp away before Sobczynski could close in for the final conciliation.
Lesson learned: While it's easy to pop webbed drones it's hard to keep the culprit pointed all the time.
Sunday, 2307: The Thorax (Amamake/Heimatar)
In a final desperate attempt to destroy his Rifter before midnight Sobczynski entered Amamake. As usual there was an NPC harassment in progress forcing Sobczynski to take immediate action. Two attempts to prosecute the Thorax pilot failed. Despite of breaking the Thoraxes tank and destroying two flights of Hammerhead I drones the perpetrator got away by using ECM once again.
Log Abstract:
[ 2011.02.13 23:16:07 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.
[ 2011.02.13 23:16:08 ] (notify) Target is invulnerable.
gf everybody!
Fantastic insight into TOP SIKRIT FILES. Thanks for sharing, mate.
ReplyDeleteMB.
Dear Sob,
ReplyDeleteI wrongly received an omnious message which showed your name in the recipient field. Allow me to forward it to you.
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Dear Sobczynski,
We want to thank you for your countless efforts to satisfy us.
Rifter or Reaper,
Shuttle or Rupture,
we taketh it all.
Your belief keeps us strong.
With high regards,
The Sentrygun Gods
Love the police blotter.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys!
ReplyDeletePanthe, I think I'm getting a strange vibe here. Sounds like you aren't sorry about my gate gun losses AT ALL!
Also I think that "Sentrygun Gods" mail may be a FAKE!
I can assure you that the Sentrygun Gods are not fake. However them Gods may or may not be a tale to put the fright right into children. After all I'm Amarr, I should know.
ReplyDeleteBefore you hold my engagement in your secret letters in contempt, I shall deliver a story to you, of high morale value, that occured yesterday night in between bottles of beer. That should put things back into perspective.
Fleetmate #1, fleetmate #2 and I undock for Providence.
Fleetmate #1 discovers a gatecamp on the lowsec/nullsec border.
We get nervous like chicken seeing a hatchet.
Fleetmate #2 puts his beer on my LAN cable, and therefor disconnects me.
I yell and spit.
Good men that they are, fleetmate #1 and #2 flee the scene.
Logging back in, I'm still alive in my shitpiece of a Punisher.
Because I thought I wouldn't need my Nano Myrmidon (or could not afford the loss).
So, by further fleeing from an invisible, unscannable fleet in random directions we aimlessly warp from Planet Custom Office to Custom Office.
Since everyone accepted my sorry excuse that Custom Offices are the new safespots.
Sitting at such an Office waiting for things (ie. us) to calm down we hang out, drink, and talk for too long.
A Mammoth sneaks up behind us and warps to zero at the Customs Office.
Initial instincts command warp to sun, every man for himself.
Secondary instincts take over, command orbit at 500.
Fleetmate #1 and #2 have the Mammoth in structure, scrambled, and hold dps for me to whore on the killmail.
I'm 70km away and have no propulsion mod fitted.
Mean laughter ensues.
I warp away, warp back at zero.
While being mid-warp I discover 4 hostiles popping up on grid on the 28 inch flatscreen of fleetmate #1, clear as day.
Drake, Vagabond, Zealot, Falcon, Harbinger.
As if things were not bad enough yet, and as a reminder that EVE does not stop after having screwed you just once, the Mammoth gets off a successful ECM burst on fleetmate #1.
Screaming ensues.
Fleetmate #2 holds the point, shoots the Mammoth from structure into oblivion. KM http://goo.gl/XDStH
Looking at his assaulters corporations, the Mammoth pilot got ganked by a Miner and a Salvager.
I recommend warping away to my fleetmates while sipping Preiselbier, just when my Punisher slowly exits warp, landing amidst 5 enemy BC/HACs.
Fleetmate #1 flees in his interceptor with MWD on, successfully I might add, reminding us of ACME Roadrunner stories.
Fleetmate #2 aligns his BC for 14secs and warps away.
I align for 3sec and get pointed, because I'm so juicy.
3 T2 ships take forever to kill a well-tanked, slow frigate.
I resend their horrible tackle skills in local, and rescue my deadhead clone.
I know I could blog this, but to show you how honest my apologies origins are I only post it here in your comment section, exclusively even. You have the publishing rights. Alas, your gate gun losses are being taken seriously!
For your appraisal, my puny super sikrit Punisher lol fit built for one thing only: killing Afterburner Rifters. Certainly not roaming. Fun fact: it wins in EFT lolism.
http://goo.gl/7VfGk
> I know I could blog this, [...]
ReplyDeleteMan, Panthe, is it Space Xmas already? How can you put this thing into my comments?
> Good men that they are, fleetmate #1 and #2 flee the scene.
Well, who needs good men if you have fleetmate #1 and #2, am I right? You're little story fooled me quite exquisitely, because I thought it was somehow sentry gun related. So I totally expected you to get out alive with the help of a rare Custom Office sentry gun while tanking all incoming shit for like 25 minutes with the that Punisher of yours! How on earth did that not happen?!? Screw you probability! Nobody likes you.
> is it Space Xmas already?
ReplyDeleteSince apologies were in order and actions speak louder than words, I had to use really many words.
> fooled me because I thought it was somehow sentry gun related
Yeah I tried to please you, I tried hard. But the Vagabond got me before I could become a sacrificial dish to the Sentrygun Gods. So about the pleasing part, you will have to ask Franziskarr for that.